It's no secret that I have been having a hard time making the transition back to work. I really don't think it is going back to work so much as returning to my particular job. My job is super high stress and the workload has increased since layoffs took place the day after Luke was born. Yes, I was blessed to hang onto my job (especially since C. acquired GWH and those let go were from C.!), but there are now fewer people to handle all the accounts in Southern CA and the increased load has been quite a burden on me. Although I had 3 1/2 months off with my maternity leave, I did not use up all my FMLA hours and so have been taking Fridays off to give me one more day at home. While I cherish this day with my little guy, it also means that I have to find the time to do Friday's work on the weekend before Monday starts. Unfortunately, I do not have one of those jobs where someone else does my work if I am out. On the flip side, I set my hours, come and go as I please, and have the flexibility to work from home some as well. While I have considered another job (and have actually sought other opportunities several times in the 7 years I have been with this position), God has always changed the circumstances or changed my frame of mind to keep me going with the same company. I do not understand this, but we have always been blessed by it. There have been days when I thought my hair was going to fall out because I was so busy and stressed, but I have the BEST coworkers and we keep each other going.

I am again in a place where I don't understand how this path could be what God has for me as a new mom who would much prefer to work only part time, but a very good friend recently reminded me very sweetly that God cares less about the circumstances I am in and more about the way I respond to those circumstances. At the end of the day, all our God wants is to be glorified in our lives. It is our choice as to how and if we do this.

So do I want to be home more with my baby? Without a doubt. Do I understand my circumstances any better having stated what I shared above? No. But I do feel slightly better equipped to handle each day knowing that all I can do is pray for the strength and energy needed to make through that one day and know that He will do the rest.

My sweet friend, Jolyn, was aware of the tough time I have been having and knew just what to do in response. She happens to be my cupcake buddy (as in the speciality cupcakes shops) and just knew what I needed. She sent a red velvet bundt caked with cream cheese frosting from Nothing Bundt Cakes to my house! It was so cute and so tasty!

As tough as things are right now, I am blessed to have my mom taking care of Luke and helping with everything at home, great coworkers, supportive friends, and a husband ready to give as many hugs as I need. As I write this, I realize just how lucky I am....